new normal

Anyone currently reading this (unless you are from the distant future in which case I would be very happy to know that this blog still receives some sort of traffic) would know that 2020 was not at all what anyone was expecting.

It is so common and optimistic to hope for a new and improved year every time December 31st rolls around, but sadly the world does not seem to revolve around the wishes of people – even 7.5 billion of them.

According to Wikipedia’s list of epidemics, I have lived through two worldwide pandemics (swine flu & HIV/AIDS) so far and am currently faring through the third. Unlike the previous two, COVID-19 has resulted in a global lock down and quarantine. This has not been as dramatically played out as I have foreseen in my head (although I do tend to romanticise), however enough so that normal life seems to have been disrupted for majority of the population.

But I am not writing today to discuss the pandemic and the other perils of 2020 (there are thousands of voices on the topic already) – rather my absence from this corner of the internet. This year has been unpredictable and difficult for many people. I count myself blessed to have had it easy the past six months or so. I have no explanation or excuses for my absence except that I didn’t feel the need to post. No (comparatively) big life changes, no tragic events, no new pressing priorities, no calls of destiny – I simply haven’t felt the urge to post in a long time.

Until now.

As the world’s cogs slowly begin to turn again, I have felt a calling back to this online journal. This quarantine has acted as an incubation period (pardon my macabre pun) not only for my creativity, but my spirit. I am currently brimming with excitement, motivation and enthusiasm to create and to learn. I feel opposed to going back to how everything was – I have had a long time to reflect on my life and found it unsatisfying.

I want to do more. I want to make more. I want to help more. I want refreshing relationships. I want to feel fire in my soul. I want to go to places I have never been.

But, you ask, how many times have I attempted to do this and failed? How many times have I felt this way with no result? How many times can one “wipe the slate clean” or “turn over a new leaf”? And I ask you in response – why must I be counting? Is it not enough to want and try to better myself and to live more fully regardless of how many times I have tried?

Often when I reminisce I think I haven’t changed at all – can people really change? And though my self improvement may seem so slow that it bears resemblance to a plateau, I assure you that the incline is there. In no grand means am I a completely different person, however I am not the same as I was ten, five, or even one year ago. My progress is slow but it is there. And though it may take me six months to learn what someone else can in a single day, I am slowly learning that this does not mean I am inferior or behind, because my life’s journey is not the same as theirs.

What does this new energy mean for my blog?

New content. Not necessarily different. In the past I’ve treated this blog as a rant space and a photo album. I believe it will continue in that direction, with the recently added category of being a space where I share my art and the process of creating it. I am making it a goal to be more active and post more frequently (although we know how that usually turns out so fingers crossed!).

Thank you so much if you made it to the end of this post. It turned out to be longer and more serious than I expected (but that’s what happens when I begin writing). I hope you stay for future posts!

Deborah

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