that time of year

Although I don’t always post it, at the end of every year I like to try (it doesn’t always happen!) and write something that encapsulates the past 365 days. 

This year was a year filled with new things. New jobs, new roles in the church, new ministries, new places and new relationships. One thing I feel I’ve learned this year is that new things don’t always have to start at the beginning of a new year, new month, new week, or even a new day. They can start whenever you want. 

In the past I’ve been more hesitant about starting new things. I would take my time to prepare and become quite anxious about whatever it is I was starting, which would ultimately cause me to delay it or never do it at all. Although I believe it’s very good to be prepared, especially when starting a large project or trying to get things up and running, there comes a point where you just have to take a leap of faith and do it, despite how unprepared you feel!

Another thing I’ve learned is how to be more consistent. It comes with a little bit of organization (which I still suck at), but frequency feels good – whether it’s this blog, ministries I’m involved with, or social hangouts I attend, feeling reliable gives me a boost and a sense of security and independence.

One of the tough lessons I’ve endured this year is how to deal with negative feelings. This year has really expanded my “emotional horizon” in the way that I’ve experienced new feelings – from extreme happiness to intense dislike. I’ve been blessed with great friends and family and have grown up in a comfortable environment, so adversity isn’t something I’ve faced a lot of. Seeing the way I reacted to negativity was an eye-opener for me. Although in theory I feel I know how I should respond, things like this are always easier said than done. I’m not proud of the way I handled certain situations this year and I’m still learning how to continually improve myself.

Doubt was also one of the big things I faced in 2018. I wrote earlier in the year both about a lack of confidence and feeling inadequate, and reading back now, I still agree with a lot of those sentiments. I know it’s a continuous battle, but I think it’s worth fighting for and something that I’ll continue to work on next year.

2018 was the year I explored. I visited so many new places this year, and although I didn’t go overseas, I was able to put on my adventuring boots and travel around my state (oh and Melbourne!) freely. From Barrenjoey at the beginning of the year, to Wentworth Falls right at the end, I can’t wait for more trips around Australia. I’m so keen to cross out those ‘unexplored’ areas on my personal map and expand my horizons (and hopefully catch those horizons on camera too!). If I have anything to do with it, I know that next year I’ll be going on many, many more adventures.

This year was also the year I decided. If you know me well enough, you’ll know that I’m absolutely terrible at making decisions. One of my downfalls is that I’m an over-thinker, and sadly this has left me with many missed opportunities in the past. I’m still pretty sucky at deciding, but I think this year I’ve figured out what I want in life. I know everyone wants general things like happiness, success, love – those are all things I want too. But I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that if I don’t have a plan to move towards reaching those goals and deciding what I want, those things are probably not going to come to me.

I don’t want to put a label on whether or not 2018 was a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ year, because I believe despite the lows, there were a lot of things I enjoyed and was able to learn. I don’t know what next year is going to be like. That’s not to say I’m not optimistic, I just have no idea what’s in store for me and I’m looking forward to making it the best I possibly can!

Have a happy new year!

– Deborah

P.s. at the end of last year I wrote down some nonsense resolutions, and as it is the time to renew them, let’s see how I went:

  • wish all my friends Happy Birthday on Facebook – Often late, but I think that still counts!
  • complete 1 generation in my PokeDex in Pokemon Go – I sort of stopped playing
  • complete 1 set of Pokemon TCG – I now spend my money on other things (mostly petrol and food..)
  • go on a Sydney “ghost tour” – didn’t happen
  • try a new place to eat each month – sort of? I stopped keeping track
  • finish every project I start (and all the ones I have started in the past) – big fat nope. Let’s try this one again in 2019.
  • read one book every three months – I mean I bought a bunch of books this year? Reading them is a different story…
  • get 3,000 achievements on steam – I have 2,186 so not even close!

Better luck next time I guess! Bring on 2019!

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