Despite the title of this post, I’m sorry to inform you that this piece of writing has absolutely nothing to do with my saucy sexual endeavors (which are non-existent btw) but rather is about me trying to learn more about myself and all of that stuff that you’re probably not interested in anyway if you clicked on this solely based on the title. Heh.
Last night I was feeling so exhausted, I ended up watching Supernatural til 8:30 a.m.
Okay so you’re probably like, What the hell? If you were feeling exhausted then why didn’t you go to sleep?
But hear me out before you press that red X in the corner.
I know in my last “reflective” post, I wrote about how I was attempting to expend more energy into people and relationships… But damn, I have to admit that it is tiring me out. While I’ve always loved talking to (certain) people and hanging out with them, I’ve also always been an introvert.
Most people think that if you’re an introvert, you’re shy and socially awkward and you’re generally a loner. I mean, sure, introverts are probably more likely to portray these traits as opposed to extroverts – but these don’t mean the same thing. I was doing some googling on the topic last night, and I wasn’t surprised to find a lot of queries and articles about “how to become an extrovert”. It seems that being an extrovert is a lot more desirable than being introverted – and while I do think this is understandable, I think it stems from the huge misconception that is the introvert stereotype.
There’s a really popular analogy for this entire introvert/extrovert theory thing and that is the rechargeable battery. It’s pretty simple and especially easy to understand in our current age of technology: extroverts recharge when they’re with other people, and they get drained when they’re alone, whereas introverts become drained when they’re with other people, and are recharged by being alone. In saying that, of course everyone displays both traits of being an extrovert and introvert to varying degrees.
So what’s this got to do with me watching Supernatural all night and getting no sleep?
With all this extra chatting and interacting that I’ve been doing lately, I’ve come to realize that the concept of having alone time has completely slipped out of my mind. I mean sure, I’ve sort of been doing it subconsciously (and now that I think about it, that’s probably part of the reason why I like to lie in bed for hours and do nothing), but in my mind I’ve always classed these sorts of activities as unproductive and unnecessary, when that really isn’t the case.
I only came to realize this last night when I was feeling really tired “for no reason”. At first I didn’t think anything of it and attributed it to my unhealthy lifestyle as I usually do – and that is most likely a factor too – However as the night progressed, I just grew increasingly frustrated with everything until one thought suddenly took over my mind: I want to be alone.
Now at the time, I was in a number of friendly conversations but I most definitely was physically alone in my bedroom. It’s amazing how technology today can enable you to be so present in someone else’s life, without actually being there with them. I had never realized how tiring and time consuming communicating with people really was for me. When I go out with friends, I know that after a certain time, I’ll feel really exhausted and look forward to going home and being alone, where I’ll immediately feel more relaxed. If I stay out past that point, I’ll become increasingly restless and short tempered until I can find some time to myself. It turns out this also applies to me when it comes to virtual interaction. In the back of my mind, I’ve never put that sort of communication on the same level as face to face talking because it lacks that physical element which is so important.
Of course, talking to someone through a screen will never be the same as spending time with them in the flesh, but that shouldn’t undermine it’s worth. Apart from the obvious benefits of being extremely convenient and surpassing physical boundaries, it’s a way to strengthen relationships – especially if you don’t see the person on a regular basis – and it turns out there are a lot of things that I’ve only been able to say through virtual means (and depending on your viewpoint, that’s either really cool or really sad).
So what does this all mean for me?
I’ve come to the realization that as a person, I am not able to maintain a healthy emotional and mental state unless I go on airplane mode once in a while – this means being completely alone: not Facebooking, Snapchatting, texting or messaging anyone and being able to do something that I like undisturbed for an indefinite amount of time. I’ve also learned that I should not underestimate the importance of this time because it actually benefits me and is just as important to my wellbeing as is spending time with others.
In other words – sometimes I think that it’s okay to not want to talk to anyone. Sometimes it’s okay to just be on Netflix for 9 hours straight and rot your brain with TV. Sometimes it’s okay to just chill by yourself.
Sometimes, its necessary.